I wanted to write a fire poem,

To commemorate my babies,

But my feelings just don’t seem to rhyme,

So I’ll just write--

Kandi,

I remember the first day I brought you home,

You weren’t even old enough, but I wanted you so bad I had to take you.

5 weeks to be exact.

You fit perfectly in the palm of my hand,

And from the first night I woke up at 4 in the morning to bottle-feed you,

I knew you were my baby.

I loved you like a mother loves her child,

Because you were mines.

Now Im scared to go to sleep

Because I know when I wake up,

I’ll roll over expecting your head to be on my pillow,

And it won’t.

You’re the one who got me accustomed to cuddling,

The reason why I hate sleeping alone in an empty bed

Or coming home to an empty house.

The reason my lonliness is at an alltime high.

Khloe,

You were a handful most of the time,

But I loved you nonetheless,

I would kill to have you leap into my lap or walk across my laptop one more time.

It’s so silent tonight,

and without the sound of you snoring

its pretty boring.

I wonder if I throw your favorite toy or those rawhide bones you loved so much,

Will you coming jumping onto the bed ready to play fetch.

Or if I get into the bubble bath will you be there resting your head on the side of the tub until I get out.

When Nia asks me “Nainee where are your babies “Tandi and To-ey”?

I’ll have to tell her they’re Jesus’ babies now, that I had to let him take care of them

Because my time was up.

Within a few hours, my life has changed,

I wanted to walk out of the hospital, bring you home and hope for the best,

But I couldn’t see you suffer.

I knew your pain was at its highest height

And yet, I keep asking myself,

Would seven grand have saved your life?

A decision to make, hard as rocks

When in reality I knew there was no choice.

It sucks you didn’t have a voice.

The only thing I heard were your eyes speaking to me as they injected you and stopped your heart—

Which stopped my heart.

Over so quickly,

And with a simple “they’re gone now” he exited the room.

But now I need a doctor,

Because my heart is hemophiliac and it won’t stop bleeding.

Staring at your pictures, at the ceiling, into space,

Hoping for a solution that can take your place.

I usually have all the answers, in every situation,

But this time, I don’t even know where to begin—

How do I grieve?

This is a storm its going to take alot to weather

I bet ya’ll are having tons of fun up in Doggy Heaven together,

Just wait for mama to get there…