"I don’t wanna live where weakness is a strength and pain is a compromise to live this life" --Me.
Shout Out
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See the references to my other poems in this one:)
"Shout Out"
This one is for you.
You who God specifically designed with me in mind,
You who He strategically put in the right place –at the right time.
I remember the first time; you told me that time stopped when you were with me.
I remember the moment I fell in love with you, in the airport that day, only to realize I had been in love with you long before that.
This one is for you.
You whose hands fit perfectly around mine, finally giving me something to hold on to.
You listen to the beat of my heart, like it’s pure acoustic in your ears, like it’s gold to your soul…
And I can bold-ly say – I’m optimistic.
For once, in my life, I disregarded the statistics and decided to leap into the unknown.
I landed in your arms.
Rested my weary feet, upon a pillow of your charm,
Because the road I’d walked was long, but well worth it.
Because with you everything’s Perfect.
And even when it’s not okay, we’re still perfectly, imperfect.
And I love it.
I love YOU.
This one is for you.
The one who turned once hopeless dialogue, into beautiful poetry,
Turned life-less metaphors, into love-filled sonnets.
In our love, there are no “Shades of Gray”…it’s straight Black and White, Beautiful;
Sprinkled with the hues of our laughter, the contrast of our differences, and the blending of our beings.
You’d be surprised, the past you’d find, If you read my poems cover to cover.
So, shout out to you, who turned this “Pessimist, Realist” into a real lover.
“It Ain’t None of Your Friends Business”
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“It Ain’t None of Your Friends Business”
This really seems like common sense, but I still think that people just don’t get it. When you are in a relationship, you simply CANNOT tell everyone your business. When you constantly make other people a part of your relationship, you are most certainly compromising any chance at success. NOBODY IN THE WORLD will care about your relationship, like you do! Everyone has that ONE friend/brother/sister, etc that they go to, to LISTEN to their problems, but that should be it. There are so many reasons to keep your relationship between yourself and your partner and here is why including friends could be detrimental:
They Wanted To See You Fail From the Start
Misery adores company. Sometimes, people who are supposed to be your friends are the very people that have wanted to see you fail from the start. They don’t want to lose their “party buddy” or they simply want to see you as miserable as they are. They are selfish that they have to share you with someone else. They are biased because of their own taste in men/women and how it differs from yours. They do not agree with the way a relationship has “changed” or molded you into a better person. Regardless of what the underlying reasons may be, and regardless of if their intentions are to sabotage your relationship, there may be something inside of them that secretly wants to see you alone or at least not COMMITTED.
Your Friends Won’t Forgive Like You Will
When you run to your friends with every little problem it can get to the point where they are almost expecting you to tell them something bad every time. Especially, when you downplay the good that your partner does (or the bad that you do to bring it on) and Super Size the bad. Once you have vented and expressed your anger, then go back to your partner and forgive them, it is not as easy for other’s to forgive as you have. This seems to strike a nerve in some people and they will make it their personal vendetta to see that your relationship never progresses or they will give you enough grief and insults that you eventually give up. Your friends may NEVER forgive your partner for something they did, but I’m sure they would forgive their partner if they did the same. It’s so different when the shoe is on the other foot.
They Can’t Relate to Being in a Relationship
Plainly put, your friends have not experienced all the laughs, jokes, and heart-felt moments you’ve shared. They do not experience the connection that you and your partner have. Or even worse, you are expressing your problems to friends who are not even IN a relationship. These are the worst people to seek advice from, especially negative advice. You may even have friends who are in a relationship (with a different person everyday, or multiple people at a time). You cannot ask a Ladies Man, Hoe, or Player to guide you in your relationship. You cannot allow yourself to be influenced by people who do not even believe in exclusivity, loyalty, or faithfulness. If you have to seek advice, do it from people who are well grounded in their own relationships and the Word of God.
Other People Look Harder at Your Partner’s Faults
There are some friends who will see you happy from the start and automatically think, “it’s too good to be true”. They will find any reason as to why the person is not right for you, and not one reason why you should be with them. These may even be people who are jealous of what you have found. They could possibly even feel as if you do not deserve the happiness and try to find any fault in your partner. Nonetheless, anything that your partner does will be grounds for a break-up and will never be right in their eyes. You will never be able to convince these people that your partner is a good person, with some flaws, because all they will ever see is the big neon sign flashing “FLAWS”.
They Will Refuse to Let You Make Your Own Decisions
This is the part where I really draw the line. There’s always that person who refuses to let you LIVE. If they do not agree with your decision to be with someone, they will make you pay for it every time you see them. They will nag, whine, and complain as if THEY are the one dating you. There should be something that strikes you odd about a friend that is willing to burn you at the stake for choosing to love someone. There is an ultimate problem if this person goes to great lengths to get other people behind them and tell your business to other’s in hopes of forming a revolt against you! That person seriously needs some help, and for you to tolerate people like that in your life, you will NEVER be happy, and they will NEVER be content with you making your own decisions.
They Won’t Keep Your Matters Confidential
This goes hand in hand with what I said previously about the negative friend who seeks to form an alliance against you. What kind of friend is that? The person who makes it their personal duty to tell everyone else that you know all about your relationship problems. Usually, it’s the person who could do a lot better with keeping their mouth shut, because their own business is a lot more scandalous than yours! If you really want your relationship to be private, talk to your partner when you need to vent – or find some new friends.
There’s Only Three People Who Know What’s Best For Your Relationship –You, Your Partner, and God
NO ONE, I repeat, no one will ever, ever, ever care about your relationship as much as you do. No one will know what its like to spend a day without that person or to imagine forever without that person. No one else can know exactly what will work for your relationship, any decision to end or continue your relationship should be solely to do with you, your partner, and ultimately God. Will that friend be there to keep you warm at night, or will they be out bed hopping and living the party lifestyle that they want to suck you into? Has that friend ever sat down and helped you make a list of pros and cons? Or only the cons? Jealousy is real, whether people realize it or not. Your friend could be upset that you have found the one thing that they are desperately searching for. No relationship is perfect, and the ones that you THINK are perfect is simply because they choose to do their laundry at home –not air it out in the streets.
Silly, Needy, Clingy with a hint of Low Self-esteem…
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Ladies, this probably describes you or someone that you know. I am TIRED, so tired, of seeing beautiful, smart, intelligent, black women fall victim to perpetuated stereotypes by men and their own effed up mindsets. I have to write about this, I see it EVERYDAY –social networks, books, LIFE. This is a plea to any woman who feels she is undeserving of OR in need of a man. (these are two different concepts). I’ve had it up to here, with the lonely tweets and needy statuses. GROW UP! Everyone has that ONE friend, who cannot FUNCTION without a man; always saying “I need a boyfriend” or “I’m so lonely”. They meet a guy and the next day, they’re making wedding plans! Then they wonder why they keep running guys off! You’re crazy! Stop looking so far into the future and focus on the NOW. You can’t even get to know the guy or show him the real you, because you’re too busy trying to formulate some ever-lasting relationship on the second day. NEWSFLASH: Not gonna happen!
Most times the smartest, most beautiful girls are the most needy and naïve. Yes, you would probably make a PERFECT girlfriend for someone, but you’re out there SEARCHING, turning over every bush and looking through every peephole. Chill, and what’s for you will be for you. Then there’s those girls that form these unbreakable emotional bonds through sex. Learn to tell the difference between being genuinely liked and just a f**k. Know what you are getting into BEFORE you take those steps, and if you’re not capable of handling it in hindsight, don’t do it! But if you ARE, then go balls in and accept/enjoy your decision, instead of crying on the phone to your girls when he disappears. Oh, and I have a CURE ALL solution for how to deal with “losing” the guy. Be able to stand on your own feet in the FIRST place. If you can’t be content in bed alone, now; watching movies alone, eating dinner alone, now, what makes you think you will be able to do it after being accustomed to someone’s company? Learn to love yourself, NO be IN love with yourself. I know it’s cliché, but truly, you can’t go looking for love from someone else if you don’t have it within. When you can truly function on your own, it is then you are ready to function with someone else. When you are in love with yourself, you demand a higher level of respect, and it will exude in your actions, causing negative treatment from a guy to be nearly impossible.
Speaking of negative treatment, my next point is this: no matter how hard we try, there are going to be men who just aren’t right, try to break us down, add us to a list, or just bide their time toying with our hearts. This is where your mindset comes in. As women, we have been programmed, essentially from birth, that we are to fall in love, serve our man, have a happy ending, blah blah blah. Sure that premise holds in ideology and in movies and books, but how many times have you witnessed it exemplified in REAL LIFE? This is where you have to be real with yourself, and begin to work on re-programming the overload of bullcrap that society has placed on our backs. This is where you say “I don’t HAVE to be that girl. I don’t HAVE to want that. Or act that way.” This is where you decide that, contrary to popular belief, being a woman does not mean needing a man. Women have this unfulfilled urge to “cuff” a dude or mark our territory. You don’t have to/need to do that, anything that’s worth anything can/will become that on it’s own. Forcing it is just going to push dude away and leave you looking stupid. Stop being naïve when you are “talking” to a guy and acting like you are the ONLY person he’s talking to. AND FELLAS, stop lying about the 20 females who you are all telling the SAME DAMN THING. People need to start being more 100% with each other and maybe some feelings can be spared in the end. Ladies, likewise, if you see he’s talking to 52 females and that’s okay FOR NOW, but you want something better in the future and you don’t think he has the potential to stop his lifestyle, stop wasting your time putting your faith and energy into something that you know isnt going anywhere.
And for the record, just cause a guy ACTS all “jealous” and like he “wants you to himself” doesn’t mean you are obligated to fall for it. That is just him fulfilling his own ego to see you get all goodly-eyed and think he actually cares. That guy who acts like you need to drop your life and become his ideal girl, try not calling him for 2 days, see if he notices? He'll be too busy feeding his ego, building his "team" andddd NOT worried about you. There's nothing that stands out more than a woman who can stand on her own two feet and will be doing the same with/or without him! I’ve OFTEN said “I’d rather be single, than go through what my friends in relationships go through” and until I find someone who sees eye-to-eye with me, holds me down like i hold him, and understands I'm not looking for some bullsh*t, bootleg, cliche' fairytale--that is just what I will be.
CONTENTLY SINGLE.
My other blog
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http://genegray.tumblr.com/
"SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS…BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY…LIKE I’M LOCKED UP, NOT EVEN IN A TOWER..IN A DUNGEON..WAITING FOR A PRINCE CHARMING THAT WILL NEVER COME" --Me
Dead on Arrival
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Don’t tell me to open my heart, unless you really mean it.
The depths of my soul are deep and dirty, are you willing to dive in and clean it?
Don’t look at me with false smiles and shitty grins,
To those things I’m akin,
I might even smile back, but they do nothing for me within.
I’m only going to lead you down a one-way street,
Like so many have done to me.
And believe me, I’ll leave you there, all alone,
Before I ever let you leave me.
You can’t lead me.
I can’t follow.
My heart desires waters that are shallow.
Could I ever trust you enough to lead me to sea?
Hold your breath and see…
You’ll be D.O.A –deceased.
You see…
You’ve only scratched the surface,
Go ahead, dig a little deep.
Theres so much more to me.
Than what u meet
When our eyes meet.
When Im dodging your gaze,
Cause Im afraid.
Of letting you, or anyone else in
Within.
Me.
I can easily pretend alot of things,
I can fake a few emotions,
I’m full of metaphors, good at closing doors,
But the love ish, I don’t approach it.
So can you bear with me?
What are your intentions?
I’m not into games,
Back and forth like Tennis.
There are rules to every game you play,
And I learned long ago -- the hard way,
That:
Love, don’t love,
nobody.
At least not my body,
Which embodies
All the bodies
That have vibed me
And defied me
Petrified me
Made me cry, see,
Til my eyes don’t see.
Because love,
Don’t love me.
Because just like me,
Loves been lied to, cheated on, taken advantage of, taken for granted,
Abused, misused, confused, given the blues.
And I’ve been stuck in a place for so long,
With a heart so cold and dark, like a cellar,
The last time tears existed I can’t even remember.
Skin so tough, it feels like leather,
Stormy weather,
Shower me with hail,
And all hail,
He who can cause me to finally prevail.
I’m sick and I want to get well.
But for now, in my prison I’ll dwell.
Black Woman --Tupac Shakur
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The day I met u I saw strength
and I knew from that point on
that u were pure woman 2 me
possessing a spirit that was strong
I want smiles 2 replace the sorrow
that u have encountered in the past
and since it was strength that attracted me 2 u
it will take strength 2 make it last
My negative side will attempt 2 change u
but please fight that with your all
it will be your strength that keep us both standing
while others around us fall
For my babies... Rest in Peace
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I wanted to write a fire poem,
To commemorate my babies,
But my feelings just don’t seem to rhyme,
So I’ll just write--
Kandi,
I remember the first day I brought you home,
You weren’t even old enough, but I wanted you so bad I had to take you.
5 weeks to be exact.
You fit perfectly in the palm of my hand,
And from the first night I woke up at 4 in the morning to bottle-feed you,
I knew you were my baby.
I loved you like a mother loves her child,
Because you were mines.
Now Im scared to go to sleep
Because I know when I wake up,
I’ll roll over expecting your head to be on my pillow,
And it won’t.
You’re the one who got me accustomed to cuddling,
The reason why I hate sleeping alone in an empty bed
Or coming home to an empty house.
The reason my lonliness is at an alltime high.
Khloe,
You were a handful most of the time,
But I loved you nonetheless,
I would kill to have you leap into my lap or walk across my laptop one more time.
It’s so silent tonight,
and without the sound of you snoring
its pretty boring.
I wonder if I throw your favorite toy or those rawhide bones you loved so much,
Will you coming jumping onto the bed ready to play fetch.
Or if I get into the bubble bath will you be there resting your head on the side of the tub until I get out.
When Nia asks me “Nainee where are your babies “Tandi and To-ey”?
I’ll have to tell her they’re Jesus’ babies now, that I had to let him take care of them
Because my time was up.
Within a few hours, my life has changed,
I wanted to walk out of the hospital, bring you home and hope for the best,
But I couldn’t see you suffer.
I knew your pain was at its highest height
And yet, I keep asking myself,
Would seven grand have saved your life?
A decision to make, hard as rocks
When in reality I knew there was no choice.
It sucks you didn’t have a voice.
The only thing I heard were your eyes speaking to me as they injected you and stopped your heart—
Which stopped my heart.
Over so quickly,
And with a simple “they’re gone now” he exited the room.
But now I need a doctor,
Because my heart is hemophiliac and it won’t stop bleeding.
Staring at your pictures, at the ceiling, into space,
Hoping for a solution that can take your place.
I usually have all the answers, in every situation,
But this time, I don’t even know where to begin—
How do I grieve?
This is a storm its going to take alot to weather
I bet ya’ll are having tons of fun up in Doggy Heaven together,
Just wait for mama to get there…
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